God Did Not Make Death

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Last weekend, I was exhausted. The need for sleep: natural for all humans, I know. But this was deep exhaustion. The kind that ushered in a trauma response where my mind fixated on negative and harmful thoughts. David felt scared because it reminded him of how I operated when I was in the throes of postpartum depression.

I didn’t attend Mass with the family, but rather listened to the readings and took a nap. “I guess this is survival mode,” David said as he packed up the four kids to attend the liturgy in person.

“It doesn’t have to be a whole mode,” I said groggily. “Maybe it’s only today!”

Later that Sunday, when I got a second wind and felt some calm, we were able to eat family dinner together. Our 10-yr-old son said with a grin, “Good thing it’s the last Mass before the Bishop says we have to come back!” (Jamal knew that the Sunday Mass obligation is officially reinstated as of next weekend.)

I laughed. “It is good timing!”

When I listened to the audio recording online, the beginning of the first reading stood out the most, “God did not make death.” Even though my mind felt cloaked in darkness, it was comforting to think that God didn’t create me for those feelings.

Later in the week, I had a challenging conversation with a close friend. It was the kind of talk where the necessary words seemed to require physical exertion to expel. As I spoke into the confrontation between us, I thought, “Ah, dying to myself. This is it.”

Again, those words came back to me: “God did not make death.” It was a surprising moment as I turned to the Lord in my heart for affirmation. The comfort was much deeper than I expected. I thought the sentiment from the Lord would be something like, “Good job dying today, daughter.” But it was more like a simple look of sorrow. Sorrow at the death.

I’d never thought of that before. That God is pained by our suffering—yes. But I never imagined his pain as I die to myself over something “little.” I’ve usually seen dying to myself in the day-to-day as something to be tough about.

Being tough might be good, too, in one sense. But through this Word for the Week, the Holy Spirit beckoned me to see that Jesus doesn’t create those deaths each day. Death is God’s enemy. Even as the Lord gives me grace to persevere, those “small” deaths break His heart, too.

For a moment this week, I was able to stop in the sorrow and to feel His love for me in it. (I’m feeling a lot better than I did last Sunday, by the way!) Normally I would ask how this Word might apply to your life, as well. This time, I’ll ask you: how do those words, God did not make death, speak to you today?

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Sara Chacon
Kelly Wesaw
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Song Every Sunday,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

About Being Young Forever

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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We attended Mass with a newly-ordained priest of the Congregation of Holy Cross last weekend. It was his first English-language Mass at our local parish. It was amazing to see his exuberance! The parishioners were also back in the Church sanctuary after celebrating Mass in a gymnasium for a year. The hopefulness was palpable!

The word that stood out to me immediately was, "renewed youthfulness." It was a line from the opening (collect) prayer at the start of Mass:

May your people exult for ever, O God,
in renewed youthfulness of spirit,
so that, rejoicing now in the restored glory of our adoption,
we may look forward in confident hope
to the rejoicing of the day of resurrection.

During the course of the week, my kids modeled what a spirit of youthfulness looks like. God spoke to me through their example, especially when we went to a bonfire with the local Holy Cross priests and with Fr. Matt*.

My daughters kept asking if they could "see" everything:

-Can we see the back alley?
-Can we see the side yard?
-Could we see inside of the house?

Upon each request, one of the four priests would respond, "It's really not that exciting!" I grinned as the situation unfolded. I think the Fathers were trying to soften the blow, should the girls be disappointed. But as they acquiesced, each round of petition proved the contrary: it was all so very exciting through the eyes of a child.

At one point, the girls discovered an empty storage closet. They marveled in glee. The newly-ordained priest looked from the girls over to me. With a laugh, he voiced his agreement, "I suppose it is a great hideout!”

For me, it was a lesson in humility. You see, I am really passionate. (Surprise!) My enthusiasm for art and evangelization extends into everything I see. Everything is potential material about which to write, sing, and speak of God. However, I was bemoaning this trait of mine last week.

It’s exhausting to be so excited every day. To be always enraptured at the sight of nearby mountains, to feel enthralled by words of passing conversations, etc., etc. My fear last week was that the people who love me the most are sure to grow sick of my overabundant passion.

Through my daughters’ example, I felt the Holy Spirit affirm my own excitement anew. And even though my Word for the Week didn’t remedy all of my misgivings, it helped me to stay hopeful. By the end of the week, once again I could confidently say, “I feel like anything is possible!”

How about you? Are you feeling weary of the world, or even sick of yourself like I was? I’ll close with the words of Pope Francis in an exhortation to young people and to the entire Church. (I also commit to read the entire document before the month of May!) If you’d care to join me in reading, please let me know your thoughts!

With love and enthusiasm,

Amanda

“Let us ask the Lord to free the Church from those who would make her grow old, encase her in the past, hold her back or keep her at a standstill. But let us also ask him to free her from another temptation: that of thinking she is young because she accepts everything the world offers her, thinking that she is renewed because she sets her message aside and acts like everybody else. No! The Church is young when she is herself, when she receives ever anew the strength born of God’s word, the Eucharist, and the daily presence of Christ and the power of his Spirit in our lives. The Church is young when she shows herself capable of constantly returning to her source” - Pope Francis, Christus Vivit, 35

*We're grateful that Fr. Matt can be with his religious community when he comes to Phoenix to film our We Should Pray podcast!

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Sara Chacon
Kelly Wesaw
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Song Every Sunday,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

The Joy of Being Rescued

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Welcome to Word for the Week! My word for the week is, “the joy of salvation.”

As always, I'd like to share how I felt God speaking to me at Mass last weekend, explore what the Lord wants me to do about it, and ask how this Word for the Week might apply to your life, as well. 

We sat in the very last pew this Sunday. (It’s my goal to arrive a little earlier for Mass this week!) Highlights: no one in our family had to leave church during Mass! There was a choir and a cantor. Afterward, we spoke with our pastor for a while and we met a couple of other young families. Additionally, my Word for the Week was considerably more upbeat than the week before!

Two weeks ago, the phrase that stood out from the reading was, “I shall not see happiness again.” It didn’t sound appealing. And although the word still applied positively to my life, this past Sunday’s psalm response offered a remedy to the problem of unhappiness: “I turn to you Lord, in time of trouble and you fill me with the joy of salvation.”

Over the last couple of weeks, we hit some unexpected financial troubles. (I shared about it last week). Over the past seven days, we were gratefully able to switch some things around and we feel more financially secure moving forward. Throughout the entire process, the Word of God reminded me of how wonderful it is to be rescued.

Not only in financial hardship but in emotional, spiritual, and physical matters, the experience of being rescued (salvation) has to produce more joy than if I didn’t need to be saved in the first place. I’m thinking of a recent moment when a tire popped on the way home from a late-night recording session. 

It was in the middle of a phone conversation in which I shared with a friend, “I feel uncomfortable when things are going too smoothly,” and then *pop* something was wrong with the vehicle! Thankfully, there was a nearby offramp, and I was able to exit the highway before the tire completely deflated. 

What a fiasco to make it back home! But it seemed hilarious that the Lord allowed it just as I said I don’t want to be too comfortable. And truly, I felt God’s love by being rescued. That love showed up by way of David, our neighbors, and our insurance company over the phone; plus the tow driver, a gas station worker, and a Lyft driver in person.

How do you need to be rescued this week? Are there any challenges that seem to have you bound up; have you come to a spiritual impasse in the first week of Lent? Perhaps like the leper who cried out to Jesus for healing in last week’s gospel, your problems are keeping you from community and closeness with others. Certainly, it seems we are living in a society of illness and isolation right now in the midst of the pandemic.

As we see modeled in the gospel, let’s pray together for healing. Lord, we trust you can heal us, if you wish. Please say to us, as you said to the leper, “I do will it. Be made clean.”

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Kim Moline
Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Sara Chacon
Kelly Wesaw
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive exclusive rewards, signup at amandavernon.com/patron.