Holy Joy
Writing this from a garden in New York City. I felt the Lord rejuvenating my spirit on this recent tour, in unexpected ways!
Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:
share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.
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At long last, we chose a home parish! Here's the caveat: we decided to settle into this parish for one year and then reassess. That seems to be the best I can do right now.
So there we were, at our home parish, two Sundays ago. And I was feeling queasy. As I've been sharing here on my blog, I've been recovering from an eating disorder.
I ate breakfast before Mass, but I felt lightheaded and out of sorts during the liturgy. The word that stood out to me was from the opening prayer, the collect. I found the text on a website for the Diocese of Fort Worth (thanks, Texas!):
O God, who in the abasement of your Son
have raised up a fallen world,
fill your faithful with holy joy,
for on those you have rescued from slavery to sin you bestow eternal gladness.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever, amen.
Holy joy. Whenever I hear "joy" in the scripture, I take it personally (because Joy is my middle name)! As Mass went on, I continued to feel ill. Eventually, I left to eat part of a protein bar.
When I returned to the pew, David whispered that he thought I could still receive the Eucharist because it was a medical need. "But I broke my fast," I protested. So at Communion, I approached for a blessing only.
After Mass, I waited in line to speak with our pastor. He sat down with me at the back of the church, after all of the other parishioners had departed.
It was such a comforting conversation. He already knew about my recovery process, but I explained how it is hard to know how to fast these days.
"You're caught in a shame cycle," he accurately summed up how I was feeling.
"Yes! But if I wasn't doing this to myself then I wouldn't even have this problem and then I could fast!" I tried to pinpoint the issue, with tears in my eyes.
Our pastor was able to help me see that I am doing my best right now. Ultimately, David had been correct. In effect, this is a medical condition and it's okay to treat it as such.
I was able to receive Communion after Mass! As the week went on, I thought about the words "holy joy," and about another bit of wisdom from that conversation with our pastor.
To paraphrase, he said, "It sounds like you think you need to get better on your own. No, God calls us to holiness but He is the one who is going to accomplish it for us."
God's the one who makes us holy. I love that. And He is certainly ushering in change right now that I couldn't have planned or predicted. Oh, by the way: turns out I had the flu last week, in the end.
So I'm grateful to be feeling better, and grateful that the flu allowed for these moments of grace with our new pastor in our (official) home parish.
What about you? Can you see the hand of God orchestrating change in any aspect of your life, where you wouldn't be able to summon up change on your own?
Kind of like when the Israelites stood at the foot of the Red Sea; they needed a miracle. God made it abundantly clear that it was He who parted the waters for them. What's the Red Sea in your life today?
Let's pray: Lord, as we stand at the water's edge, like the Israelites at the Red Sea, we know you are calling us further into your love and mercy. Please part the waters and we will walk through. Thanks for hearing and answering us before we even ask. Amen!
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